You know the FDR quote so I don’t need to repeat.
I am fearing Crossfit.
I am not scared by the activity nor the staff.
I am completely freaked out that I am going to fail. Face plant on center stage. Behind the verbal bravado, these past two weeks have been very contemplative to me. I set out to write this blog to push myself into all realms of excellence. And, now, I am feeling the weight of that lofty goal. What if I am not a size 8, fuck that, a size 10 by Christmas? Will that mean I didn’t want it bad enough? Will new work sabotage my singular focus on regaining a sense of athleticism. Or, am I just too plain old to ask my body to be something it isn’t?
Please note, I DO NOT WANT ANY PITY for these narcissistic thoughts or praise for voicing them. I am a big girl who is relatively smart. I am just airing the dirty laundry to figure out why I am scared and how do I trample that fear and get my fat ass on track.
As of today, I am down 16 lbs from my first week at CrossFit.
I have made the commitment to taking my next round of photos on Halloween.
By the way, I am so fucking happy Curb Your Enthusiasm is back.
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October 19th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Beals….the truth is, all that matters is the fight. If you have made any progress at all, however it is quantified you are on the path to success. To quote other grand historical leaders, specifically Winston Churchill….”If you’re going through hell….keep going.” It’s about where you’re going and where you are, not where you are compared to where you were.
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October 19th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Daigle
Much appreciated words. No one really know how difficult goals are until they hit this malaise of a brick wall. Its bizarre to me that I have fear. But maybe I just needed to put these thoughts down to get refocused.
Thanks, D.
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October 19th, 2009 at 11:42 am
If you’re not afraid your goals aren’t aggressive enough.
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October 19th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
You have what it takes to be successful, believe in and move forward with you goals and you will make it.
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October 20th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Amanda-
You are doing a great job. You have come a long way. On this journey there will be ups and downs but it is important that you never give up the fight. Know what you are worth and keep on truckin’. You can do this and you are and will continue to be successful. Rock on sister!
Katrina
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October 20th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Taking on a goal like this proves that you have something in you that wants to be better. That thing is deep down inside and literally fighting to get out. The battle is going to be between that inner strength and every single decision you make. What time you wake up in the morning, if you eat a healthy breakfast, if your productive and choose to enjoy whatever it is that you are doing that day, if you choose to come to CrossFit, and get a good nights rest. You know which choices you need to make in order to reach your goals, the fear is that those choices are HARD! They are not the ones that feel comfortable and easy. They are the ones that slap you in the face to see if there is any emotion in there. They are also the ones that get you results and success. Fear is natural. But it’s not permanent. You can be suppressed by it or you can choose to over come it. Since you want more, you’ll over come it. It wont be easy but like they say nothing that is ever worth having is easy.
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Lori Reply:
February 15th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
I enjoy your words and will be needing them soon enough, myself. Thanks.
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January 21st, 2010 at 8:31 pm
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